“I don’t know politics but I know the names”

In this line, Kamala Das confesses her lack of interest in politics while asserting her knowledge of political figures.

“Of those in power, and can repeat them like”

She can recall the names of those in positions of authority with ease, comparing it to the repetition of days or months.

“Days of week, or names of months, beginning with Nehru.”

Das mentions the routine nature of her knowledge, starting with the prominent political figure Nehru, the first Prime Minister of India.

“I am Indian, very brown, born in Malabar,”

Here, she establishes her Indian identity, emphasizing her brown skin color and specifying her birthplace as Malabar, a region in Kerala.

“I speak three languages, write in”

Das highlights her multilingualism, speaking three languages.

“Two, dream in one.”

She further delineates her linguistic abilities, writing in two languages and dreaming in one, suggesting a nuanced relationship with language in different aspects of her life.

“Don’t write in English, they said,”

Das introduces an external influence, implying societal expectations or restrictions against writing in English.

“English is Not your mother-tongue. Why not leave”

The external voice questions her use of English, suggesting it’s not her native language and advising her to abandon it.

“Me alone, critics, friends, visiting cousins,”

Das addresses critics, friends, and relatives, urging them to leave her be and allow her linguistic freedom.

“Every one of you? Why not let me speak in”

The repetition of the questioning tone emphasizes her plea for the freedom to speak in any language of her choice.

“Any language I like? The language I speak,”

Das asserts her right to choose any language, framing it as a personal and autonomous decision.

“Becomes mine, its distortions, its queernesses”

The language she uses becomes an extension of herself, marked by its unique qualities and peculiarities.

“All mine, mine alone. It is half English, half”

Despite being a blend of English and another language, Das claims this language as her own, resisting external judgments.

“Indian, funny perhaps, but it is honest,”

She acknowledges the potential humor in her linguistic choice but emphasizes its honesty and authenticity.

“It is as human as I am human, don’t”

Das defends her choice of language as inherently human, expressing her shared humanity through it.

“You see? It voices my joys, my longings, my”

The language becomes a medium for expressing her emotions, joys, and desires.

“Hopes, and it is useful to me as cawing”

Das metaphorically likens the utility of her language to the vocalizations of crows, reinforcing its significance to her.

“Is to crows or roaring to the lions, it”

This line continues the metaphor, highlighting the natural and essential quality of her language.

“Is human speech, the speech of the mind that is”

Das contrasts her language with the inanimate and non-human, asserting its human nature and connection to the mind.

“Here and not there, a mind that sees and hears and”

Her language is associated with the present and active mind, suggesting its immediacy and relevance.

“Is aware. Not the deaf, blind speech”

Das contrasts her expressive language with the speech of things that lack awareness, emphasizing the consciousness embedded in her words.

“Of trees in storm or of monsoon clouds or of rain or the”

The poet contrasts her language with the incoherent sounds of nature during a storm, clouds in the monsoon, or the rain.

“Incoherent mutterings of the blazing”

The natural elements are portrayed as producing incomprehensible sounds, highlighting the clarity and purpose in her human speech.

“Funeral pyre. I was child, and later they”

Das shifts to a personal narrative, reflecting on her childhood and subsequent experiences.

“Told me I grew, for I became tall, my limbs”

Others acknowledged her physical growth as she entered adolescence.

“Swelled and one or two places sprouted hair.”

The physical changes associated with puberty are mentioned, marking the transition to adulthood.

“When I asked for love, not knowing what else to ask”

Das recalls seeking love, expressing her vulnerability and innocence at that time.

“For, he drew a youth of sixteen into the”

The narrative introduces a male figure, emphasizing the age difference and power dynamics in the relationship.

“Bedroom and closed the door, He did not beat me”

The encounter is described with a tone that suggests coercion but not physical violence.

“But my sad woman-body felt so beaten.”

Despite the absence of physical harm, Das conveys the emotional and psychological impact on her womanhood.

“The weight of my breasts and womb crushed me. I shrank”

The physical aspects of her womanhood are depicted as burdensome, leading to a sense of shrinking or diminishing.

“Pitifully. Then … I wore a shirt and my”

Responding to this emotional weight, she adopts a more masculine appearance by wearing a shirt.

“Brother’s trousers, cut my hair short and ignored”

Her transformation includes adopting clothing traditionally associated with men and cutting her hair short.

“My womanliness. Dress in sarees, be girl,”

The societal expectations of femininity, represented by wearing sarees and conforming to gender norms, are rejected.

“Be wife, they said. Be embroiderer, be cook,”

The conventional roles assigned to women, such as being a wife, embroiderer, or cook, are presented as restrictive.

“Be a quarreller with servants. Fit in. Oh,”

Das lists societal expectations, urging her to conform and “fit in.”

“Belong, cried the categorizers. Don’t sit”

The categorizers, representing societal norms, demand conformity and belonging.

“On walls or peep in through our lace-draped windows.”

Das is urged not to be an outsider, symbolized by sitting on walls or peeking through lace-draped windows.

“Be Amy, or be Kamala. Or, better”

The pressure to adopt specific identities, represented by names like Amy or Kamala, is highlighted.

“Still, be Madhavikutty. It is time to”

Another suggested identity, Madhavikutty, is presented, reflecting the societal imposition of roles and names.

“Choose a name, a role. Don’t play pretending games.”

The poet is advised to conform by choosing a name and a role, avoiding pretense or deviation.

“Don’t play at schizophrenia or be a”

The societal rejection of mental health struggles, symbolized by schizophrenia, is emphasized.

“Nympho. Don’t cry embarrassingly loud when”

The advice includes avoiding behaviors perceived as deviant, such as nymphomania, and suppressing emotional expressions.

“Jilted in love … I met a man, loved him. Call”

Despite societal expectations, Das shares her authentic experience of meeting a man and falling in love.

“Him not by any name, he is every man”

The anonymity of the man underscores his symbolic representation of all men in her life.

“Who wants a woman, just as I am every”

Das draws a parallel between herself and every woman sought by a man.

“Woman who seeks love. In him … the hungry haste”

The man is characterized by a fervent desire, depicted as “hungry haste.”

“Of rivers, in me … the oceans’ tireless”

Metaphorical imagery portrays the man’s eagerness as comparable to the rush of rivers, contrasting with the poet’s patient and vast emotional depth, symbolized by oceans.

“Waiting. Who are you, I ask each and everyone,”

Das questions the essence of individual identity, asking this existential question to everyone.

“The answer is, it is I. Anywhere and,”

The universal response suggests a shared sense of self, reinforcing a collective human identity.

“Everywhere, I see the one who calls himself I”

The repeated self-reference emphasizes the individual’s self-awareness and presence in various contexts.

“In this world, he is tightly packed like the”

The image of being tightly packed alludes to the constrained nature of individual existence in the world.

“Sword in its sheath. It is I who drink lonely”

The poet associates herself with a solitary act, emphasizing the individual’s experience of solitude.

“Drinks at twelve, midnight, in hotels of strange towns,”

The specific image of drinking alone in unfamiliar places enhances the sense of isolation and dislocation.

“It is I who laugh, it is I who make love”

Das claims agency in her emotions and intimate experiences, reinforcing her individuality.

“And then, feel shame, it is I who lie dying”

The cycle of emotions includes shame and vulnerability, culminating in a metaphorical death.

“With a rattle in my throat. I am sinner,”

The impending death is associated with sin, reflecting a complex relationship with morality and societal norms.

“I am saint. I am the beloved and the”

The poet embraces contradictions, embodying both saintly and sinful qualities, and expressing the duality of her identity.

“Betrayed. I have no joys which are not yours, no”

Das asserts a shared human experience, emphasizing the interconnectedness of joy and sorrow.

“Aches which are not yours. I too call myself I.”

The poem concludes with a powerful affirmation of individual identity, acknowledging shared human experiences while maintaining a distinct sense of self.